Change

It feels so weird knowing that I've finished school. Gone from seeing friends and teachers everyday to now.. Hardly ever seeing them. Kept in contact with some teachers and hopefully I'll never lose my friends. All exams done now just results day on the 23rd August. This is the day that decides my future. If I don't get good grades then I can't get into sixth form. Been looking for a job. Can't even get one at Greggs -.- so that plan is fecked. Father wants me to follow my brothers career. That's not happening. I'm lost. Don't know what to do with myself. Can't see Tom because parents are over protective. :/ just argh. Stuck inside all day everyday doing nothing... Someone save me?

A whole new world

So haven't blogged for ages! Exams are nearly over, only one left to do.. YAY. Having time off to 'revise' has given me a chance to think about things. Personally things are getting bette in my life. I'm worried as hell about going to sixth form and I'm scared that my friends will forget me but I really need to think about what I'm going to do in the future. This is it. Time to grow up and be and adult.. Kinda. Been babysitting since I was 13 and still going but when I reach 16 next month I want to get a job. Now I'm not really good at taking to people. Rather be isolated or be with people I know. Argh. I'm going to miss school so much, I already do and I've only had 2 full days off :/. There may be things concerning me and need to sort them out but growing up is more important because prom is the one time where I'm going to feel like an adult. Will try to blog more. Byee

Smeh

Still alive.. Unfortunately.

Meh!

So today has been.. A pretty shit day. Last night someone apologised for something and today I thought everything was going to be fine. Was quite happy in the morning until you walked through that door. I could tell you was avoiding me and I know you was looking for her, waiting for her to come. First lesson you sat next toe, yet didn't talk, your friend at least he made contact being polite. Break. You came hugged me, said sorry expecting me to forget about it all then that was it. Science.. Nothing. Was really down and you knew yet you carried on. I managed to be the first one put of the door and rushed to my next lesson. Yes this was French but as soon as I walked into the class, he know something was wrong. He showed sympathy and asked me questions. He always cheers me up in his lesson so was looking forward to dinner. Ended up eating outside well, just sitting on the floor. You came over, totally ignored me. Showed interest to others. That seemed to last forever. After school you was outside my class only because you was staying there for an hour. I made you hug me. You had no choice. Walked away.. Thinking so many things. Not many people make me cry. Damn apart from you. All you seem to do is make me cry. I can't remember the last time we was both happy together. :( I'm starting to give up on life. I'll never give up on you. I care too much and I love you with all my heart. Tomorrow I can tell I'm going to be down. It's going to be the worst day of the week yet, I'll pretend and have a smile on my face. Doesn't matter though because... You won't even notice will you?

Emotions

My feelings are so messed up. I care but I'm not bothered. Ignoring you isn't easy but it's what I have to do. I have no clue where i stand with you. I feel like I'm nothing and I'm just invisible to you. Why do this? What's the point anymore.. The point is that I bloody fucking love you so much! I care loads and it feels like its all going to waste. Argh! I give up. :'(

Hate

Hate is a strong meaningful word and that's why i use it. I hate everything about me. The way I look. The way I feel. The way I act. I try so hard to change all these things but I just can't. I honestly give up.

Today

Interesting day.. Woke up thinking it was late but it wasn't. Time seemed to drag because I wasn't with you. Finally it was time to set off for the journey that would start the day properly. Nice walk thinking about someone I shouldn't as I passed where he lives. Got confused by a sign but ignored it. Met the others and skipped a bit. All throughout this I'm texting someone. Weird stuff happens and then decide to shout at people dressed up whilst waiting to meet someone that I was texting. People thought I was making him up but he turned up and spoke to me. Made my day cause he made me happy and smile. Walked on further and collected a balloon (helium of course) Can't remember much after that until frenchgate. Finally after wishing you was with me we went off to the film where there was happy couples and me just wishing we could be one of them. Came home. Spoke to you whilst you being high on coffee cake and just.. I'm glad you're mine but I just constantly miss you all the time. :( bank holiday Monday means another day without seeing you. Don't think I'll cope. For sure you're forever in my heart and boy.. I'm never going to let you leave my life again.