Finally...

So its finally happened, I've admitted I'm in love with him. :/ gah going to be a tough one getting out of this!

Jobs

Most people would be happy with a job like me. I babysit for a couple down the road, have been for 2years now. I started when I was 13 which is good going. I've made over £1000 from them which I can't complain about. The job is good pay to say what I do. There's a few problems though... 1- they seem to take advantage of me on new years and christmas.
2- they never say when they will be back so I don't know how long to stay
3- the kid is a spoilt brat. :/ no other way to say it. She moans when I don't let her do what she wants. She's greedy and every time I come now, she thinks she can get her way and its really getting on my nerves now.
The thing is, a job is a job and its good. I can't complain about anything apart from the kid. It does involve spending my Saturday nights being bored shitless rather than being with my mates but I do it for the money. Now that I'm 15, I want a different job. One that makes me feel responsible and that my parents will be proud. Most people I know my age have part time jobs now. I wish I could be like them rather than having this job. :/ as I'm.writing this I'm working, just shows how much spare time I have haha... bye

Awkwardness

You know when you're getting obsessed with a person when everywhere you go.. it smells of them. They're all you think about and everything reminds you of them. It's even harder when you're with them and they don't know how you feel. It's hard. I guess I should try to talk to him more but how? I need his advise but I physically can't confidently talk to him :(

Plans

So I'm thinking of getting a flat in/ near town. It'd be a lot easier and if I need anything then its not far away. I've always wanted to get a flat in town.. don't know why. First I'll make sure I have enough money,  maybe learn how to drive..if not before I get a place then there's always buses. I mean, I love my parents but they get on my back, get in my way and restrict me from doing things. I'm 15, its tough being one of the youngest in the school year... everyone turning 16, getting jobs but I have to wait. A flat would make me feel more grown up. Obviously I'm not going to get a place of my own now..possibly when I'm 18, with a friend maybe. I like to be lonely sometimes. At home I feel left out. My parents and brother drive.... brother is married with a son. Yet I'm here...clueless of what to do in 6/7 months time. Homework takes up my time as well as guitar and after school revision for exams. It seems like I have a continuous schedule playing on repeat every week. I have no life..very lucky if I leave the house. I tend to go town sometimes but even then my parents insist of taking me because they don't trust me getting a bus. A flat would be really helpful to me right now. In town so I can get the bus to my friends, school and parents house. Guitar is stationed in town like most things are. Its a whole lot easier! Wishful thinking... bonsoir! :)

Why?

First of all.... DON'T TAKE GRAPHICS. It is a complete waste of time and effort, the all day exams are so bring and my arm kill. I got ran over by a parked car yesterday.. yes it wasn't moving. Anyway..rant over now onto the blog. So why? why me? why this? I'm pretty sure this crush and liking has gone on for far too long... surely it must be love now? I mean there is literally no other explination, if it was just crush then it would have gone now, and i wouldn't feel like this. Grrr argh! I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I try so much not to feel this way but i can't help it. I try to forget about him but that's impossible :/ bleh! I 'm missing most French lessons lately due to exams and appointments :( that sucks. It's not fair..why can't I miss something useless like English or Geography? I need to attend French.. it's what I want to carry on after school, I guess it means I 'll have to go to catch up sessions after school. I don't mind it, morer than happy to do it but I can't go by myself, it was a disaster last time I went to speak. I get so nervous when around him. I avoid him as much as I can (talking) anyone help?

Sleep...

You really don't know how much I need sleep. Its hard to stay awake but I know I have to. Grr.

Bye for a few days

<p>Hey! Well that one person has started talking to me more and I don't know why.... anyway, I've failed my french. :/ I won't be blogging for a few days..going to babysit my little nephew. :) didn't blog last night had too much to do..anyway au revoir!

Thankyou -.-

That's it now...all I see is the initials.. I have F13 on my hand but obviously it looks like FB. A very strange question was asked today. Now I can't stop thinking about it. Not long now left of school. :( grr having a dream tonight, is it weird that its only every 2days? Hmm. Tomorrow should be interesting! Au revoir

Random blog about various things

So... really want a tongue piercing! Can't have one till I'm 18 though. :/ damn. I'm laid in bed. Can't sleep -.- as usual, thinking of that person. :/ interesting French lesson today... told him yesterday that I wouldn't be in his lesson, turns out my exam was only 30 mins long.. so I went to french.. he thought I was his imagination. :') he does make me laugh. I wasn't paying attention to when he set the homework so have to go and see hin tomorrow. Oh balls I have my last zumba session tomorrow. :( got my shiny coin belt though. :D wooo! Haha. Shleeeping at fwiends house :3 gonna be interesting to freak a few people out. Hippopotamus' don't get enough Oregonians << huh? Recognition* pft stupid phone.. oh yeah! I've now got blog on my phone so I'll probably be blogging more when I'm out and about. Rememberance assembly tomorrow... bunch of people trying to sing and act (failing) should do it seperate. I think its the small teacher in assembly hehe! Urm. French exam Thursday and Friday... then graphics week after, that's it I think. Nearly 11 wide awake.. I think I'm nocturnal O.o urmm awkward? Best sleep. Night!

Dreams

Ok so now my dreams are really getting out of hand.. first he said he loves me.. then he hugged me...and last night he asked me to marry him. Help. I don't know what to do. I love him but my dreams make things awkward. I dream about him every night or every other night. I can't stop thinking about him and everything links to him. Merh! :( I'm stuck between two worlds. Its hard... I need mental help!!

What happens when you finish your maths exam early..

So yeah... finished my maths exam 35minutes early today. Bad thing. I started singing J’adore and La Banane in my head and started dancing. Then I came across... why don’t chickens, pigs, sheep and cows eat themselves, or eachother? Wouldn’t it be awesome watching a zombie sheep chasing all the other sheep around the field? Why do I think these things? :L Oh then I realised that I’m missing the only lesson I like tomorrow due to a useless chemistry re-sit exam.. yay L I got a turtle hat! Random sorry. Merh... I’m loved more... woo! Haha

Oh.. now I can’t look at a Malteaser in the same way again!

Help?

I keep going on that I like this person. I can’t actually say who it is but argh  :/.There are times like these when I generally don’t know what to do. I don’t like talking to my friends about it a lot because I know they will say something about it or joke about it. They don’t know the whole truth on how I feel. Now I decided to write all my thoughts on here but it’s all the time that I’m thinking about him. He’s even in my dreams and just everywhere. He’s always with me in my thoughts and my heart but I can’t tell him. I think that is one of the problems. Amongst all the other problems that ‘pop up’ with this situation, the hardest part is not being able to tell him. I love him. Simple. I can’t stop thinking about him! I could be happy one moment then absolutely depressed the next. I can just about to force a fake smile but it’s the feelings that lie within that smile that are worse. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how I will cope when I leave school in a few months :/ I guess just make the most of him as I can? Hmm. Best go... got maths exam tomorrow. Until next time, tally ho.

The next few months...

Time is one of those things that you can't change. You can change what happens in that time and the actions you do but you can't change how long. We can choose to stay places longer but then that extra time then dissappears and you can't claim it back. Once something is done you can't change it. The time I want to change is school. Most of you will now be thinking.. why? The truth, I am scared of loosing what I already have. The skills, friends, teachers and comfort. All of them will change in a few months and I don't want it to.

People will be going to the prom in June, saying bye and celebrating that they have finished school then all go their seperate ways like going to college and getting jobs. I don't want to go to the prom for many reasons:
1) I'll be sat alone in the corner or the room
2) I will be wearing a dress that I hate
3) I will be sad for the reason that someone will be there that I don't want to leave and if I go then it could be the last time I see him, I don't want that to happen.
4) All the popular girls will get the attention and my friends will be having a great time being retards and I want them to have the best night (which includes me not being there)
5) Pictures will be taken!
6) My parents will spend money on me that I don't need... It's just a party to say bye really and they can spend the money on something that is worth it.
People are trying to make me go but.. I don't know :/  I don't want to let them down by not going but don't want to spend their night making me dance.

A few months ago I would have been more than happy to leave school and everything. But now I don't want to, I want to stay where I feel comfortable. The teachers know what i'm capable of an know how to help and what conditions work better in. My friends are mostly in the same lessons and I see them everyday. The school it's self isn't that bad. I know my way around and feel safe when i'm there. I'm going to miss them so much especially the teachers because it will be the last time I see them.

When I was younger I always wanted to grow up and be like my brother. Now i'm grown up all I wish is to be young again. Being young.. the only problem you have to think about is what colour crayon to use. Life is all happening too fast. Having to choose my own future when I don't know what  I want to do. The only thing I know is who I will be friends forever with ( god help them) and who I want to spend  life with (which will never happen) The time that you can waste without a worry is sleep.. but even then dreams tak over your mind. I don't want to grow up and leave, soon it will be home that I leave. Yeah I wish I had my own place so I could do what I want but then i'd be lot because, without my parents I wouldn't know what to do.

Feelings-
This is one thing that i'm certain of, even if people tell me it's wrong .. i don't care. I know it's impossible but dreaming and wishing is probably the only thing that keeps me happy. My friends make me smile and laugh but he makes me lugh, smile, happy and when he concerntrates on me only.. when we're alone or having a conversation.. i feel special, even though I know i'm not. He is one at the prom that I don't want to say goodbye to yet I don't want to leave with things being awkward between us.

 I just want to say thankyou to my friend. Without her..i'd be in a right mess, I wouldn't know what to do or how to overcome this. You're my best friend and I know that I won't loose you because I won't let that happen... thankyou... I love you :)

Life, retards, penguins, ninjas and dinosaurs

Haha wow.. I don't know why this title was in my history :') ahh that's me amused for a while. Erm, last night I didn't have a dream :) must have let me have a night off..then made Rachel have one instead, which I shall find out in about 2 hours when I meet her in town :D YAY! Does anyone knnow where you can buy squishy penguins..? It for a good purpose honest! Today I got the rash again (for those who know what i'm on about) but I think it's fading now. Now to the sad part.. i'm getting ill.. nooo! but hey it's from a great person so I don't really mind. Over the next few weeks I have got exams and concerts.. blah so I won't be blogging as much. I will try to do one everyday or every other day but I can't promise anything sorry! Ohh Tetrahedron is  dinosaur! not a shape :) bet you didn't know that huh? I'm meant to be doing Geography homework and some revision right now but i generally can't be bothered, he didn't exactly specify on what I had to do after I watched the video for France. Damn.. babysitting tonight -.- but hey! it's money which is a better reason to meet up with my retards (friends) .. which like to jump like ninjas into walls on the bus :) Well as you can see my life is very exciting.. YES included everything in the title .. because i'm awesome like that..haha! Right Toodle Pip!

Weird and unexplainable dreams

So... My friend first had a dream about our teacher.. was fairly normal kind of. Our teacher walked past us with a plate of jelly and said "Tally Ho!" Hmm... but since then, i've been having them. It's the same person that keeps appearing in them. First one my teacher came up to me in lesson and he said "I love you" yeah I was worried. Other dreams have passed but now they are starting to 'link' to my life. The other night I dreamt i went to the hospital and he was my doctor and he was reading The Daily Mail. This is weird because I yet have to go to a hospital appointment. Last night, dreamt that I spoke to him after an exam and then he walked me home and he caught the bus... well tonight I stayed behind to to Geography work and he was in the next room and he smiled to me through the door. Then I was just leaving school and so was he... I saw him walking faster and wondered 'what the hell is he doing?' Oh right he was walking faster to catch up to me! We talked and he caught the bus as I walked home. Maybe my dreams are making my life but are just scrambled up? It's weird that it's this teacher because he's the one I like. Coincidence or just fate? I'll keep you updated :P

Problems

Right, so there's this person that i really really like. He's really funny, a bit strange but most people take advantage of him. The problem... he's my teacher :/ there's an on growing problem with this as my group of friends have little jokes that link to him. Only 2 of my friends know about this. Ever since i confessed how i feel about him, i've been feeling more awkward around him or when someone mentions his name. I never used to talk to him much to start off with but now, i hardly do. It's got to the stage where i have to see him every day at least. At the moment he's ill, but still comes to school. I feel so sorry for him. In about 3 months I will leave school and i know that i'm really going to miss him. I've known him for 5 years and how i feel has grown stronger over the years. I really don't know what to do. Me and my friend have decided to add him on Facebook when we leave (and when it's legal) Our plan is to get this card for him and write showing how much we are thankful for everyhing he's done. Unlike most teachers, he actually cares if we pass or fail. I can't stop how i feel because i've already tried it before. My friends that know, don't really know to what extent i like him. This makes going to school tough but when i know that i'm going to miss his lesson.. then it's even harder. I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't know if when i leave, that i would still like him. What should i do? :/ 

How it all began..

HELLO! Right.. so yeah, i'm new to this. My friend Rachel told me to read her blog about the french exam.. hah and inspired me to make one :') bless her little cotton socks :3 i thought it would be amusing to share my life seen as it is just hilarious. I will try to upload one every week at least but maybe more.. oooh! hehe