Time is one of those things that you can't change. You can change what happens in that time and the actions you do but you can't change how long. We can choose to stay places longer but then that extra time then dissappears and you can't claim it back. Once something is done you can't change it. The time I want to change is school. Most of you will now be thinking.. why? The truth, I am scared of loosing what I already have. The skills, friends, teachers and comfort. All of them will change in a few months and I don't want it to.
People will be going to the prom in June, saying bye and celebrating that they have finished school then all go their seperate ways like going to college and getting jobs. I don't want to go to the prom for many reasons:
1) I'll be sat alone in the corner or the room
2) I will be wearing a dress that I hate
3) I will be sad for the reason that someone will be there that I don't want to leave and if I go then it could be the last time I see him, I don't want that to happen.
4) All the popular girls will get the attention and my friends will be having a great time being retards and I want them to have the best night (which includes me not being there)
5) Pictures will be taken!
6) My parents will spend money on me that I don't need... It's just a party to say bye really and they can spend the money on something that is worth it.
People are trying to make me go but.. I don't know :/ I don't want to let them down by not going but don't want to spend their night making me dance.
A few months ago I would have been more than happy to leave school and everything. But now I don't want to, I want to stay where I feel comfortable. The teachers know what i'm capable of an know how to help and what conditions work better in. My friends are mostly in the same lessons and I see them everyday. The school it's self isn't that bad. I know my way around and feel safe when i'm there. I'm going to miss them so much especially the teachers because it will be the last time I see them.
When I was younger I always wanted to grow up and be like my brother. Now i'm grown up all I wish is to be young again. Being young.. the only problem you have to think about is what colour crayon to use. Life is all happening too fast. Having to choose my own future when I don't know what I want to do. The only thing I know is who I will be friends forever with ( god help them) and who I want to spend life with (which will never happen) The time that you can waste without a worry is sleep.. but even then dreams tak over your mind. I don't want to grow up and leave, soon it will be home that I leave. Yeah I wish I had my own place so I could do what I want but then i'd be lot because, without my parents I wouldn't know what to do.
Feelings-
This is one thing that i'm certain of, even if people tell me it's wrong .. i don't care. I know it's impossible but dreaming and wishing is probably the only thing that keeps me happy. My friends make me smile and laugh but he makes me lugh, smile, happy and when he concerntrates on me only.. when we're alone or having a conversation.. i feel special, even though I know i'm not. He is one at the prom that I don't want to say goodbye to yet I don't want to leave with things being awkward between us.
I just want to say thankyou to my friend. Without her..i'd be in a right mess, I wouldn't know what to do or how to overcome this. You're my best friend and I know that I won't loose you because I won't let that happen... thankyou... I love you :)
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