Life

Life is a wonderful thing for most people. To be honest I'd rather be dead or tragically become ill! -.- I've held it in for so long, put a smile on my face and when I have told people how I feel... they don't care (don't expect them to) but also they don't know to the extent of how bad it is for me. They make jokes, fair enough but after a while it gets too much. There are times like now... I really just hate my life! Grrrrr! So many things I can just explain how bad but all you people don't care. I know one person that reads this, not all the time either. Yet I still do it because its a way to get my feelings out. Hmph -.-
Until the next rant. Bye.

Mew

I should be in hospital tbh hahaha meh!

Special Christmas Blog

Oh look! it's Christmas! Whilst everyone is happy with their family and friends i'm sat alone in my room whilst everyone else is downstairs. Fun eh? Yay socks! Ahh who am i kidding eh? :/ it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. Things have changed and it's the first Christmas without my aunty :( tomorrow is her birthday so I plan on getting wasted. It sucks to be me. I hate my life. Merh :/ just smile and everyone will think i'm fine :/ Bye guys, hope you had a better christmas than me x

Challenge for Xmas Eve:If you had to be any animal what would you be?

A dinosaur because no one can find me :)

Challenge...5, i think:Describe in detail your idea/views on Christmas

Personally I think that Christmas has lost the true meaning and why we first started celebrating it. Today people associate  it with presents and gifts to people. The true meaning of Christmas is celebrating the birth of Jesus. I see it as a time to think about the ones we have lost and to spend time with family (because i'm not religious) It shouldn't matter about what gifts you get but it should matter on who's there. We can't help that people have left us and we can't have them back but we can think about their memories and enjoy it instead of being depressed (haha not going to happen) People worry about Christmas and moan that it won't come. They moan that it won't snow and then when it does they will still moan. So yeah.. I think Christmas has lost it's true meaning.

Might not be able to blog for the next few days soo... Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year :D

Return of the Chalenge!: One food for a month

It's been simplified because I kept forgetting :) my bad. Anyway so the food I would have for a month is cheese on toast. It's nice, warm, nommy and quick to make. I can't cook it so i'd have to get someone else to do it but you didn't specify in who had to cook it :) It has to be white bread and sliced mild cheese! otherwise it's just bleugh. This is probably what I will live on if I ever move away from home. Have to learn how to cook it first but I'll get there :) Byeee

Challenge 4? I don't know.. confuzzled.

So last night I couldn't sleep so asked Rach to give me my challenge so I could think about it. She gave me one, something to do with if the planet wasn't like ours anymore or something would I consider becoming an aliens pet or die? My simple answer was just die so she gave me another task. I can't remember what it was..... erm I remember saying cucumber but that's it. This is just an update blog until I come in contact with her to give me another hehe.

So yeah today i've been to town. I look like a rabbit. Had an interesting conversation last night with someone, I wish we talked like that all the time.. Ohh I need something really scary to send so if anyone has any ideas? :) Tiger is sleeping in my room as on from tonight. Oh for everyone who doesn't know who Tiger is.. it's my rabbit :D YAY!

Awwwh he's a little meerkat.. *simples* at the moment he's in a bucket... being a weird little bunny. Easily entertained by a cloth.

Everyone ready for Christmas? Nope. Not surprised, got to that age where I feel awkward receiving gifts and not really excited about it. I'll be more concentrated on the baby!

Yay Halifax, they can get lost.

Cya later with the actual challenge! But Rach your challenge: What would you rather be, a mushroom or a llama and why?

Today's Challenge: If you could be someone for a day, who would it be and why?

So originally I set this challenge for my friend and she decided that she was going to ask me the same one. I woke up with this challenge for some strange reason. I've had all day to think about this and I can't choose on just one person. Now that I think about it... there's more people so here they are....

My Mum: I would want to be my mum because I want to see how much she actually does for everyone and give her a days rest. It's amazing how she can solve and sort everyone else out as well as herself. She doesn't have much time to herself and yet she has two children that are getting to that awkward age. One still living at home. A husband that works all day and a mother who isn't really capable of doing much. Now to think about it, if it wasn't for my mum my nanna would be really stuck. So would many people. I found out something today that I wish I hadn't, I wish that I had the thing rather than my mum :/ I love you

A Teacher: I would want to be a teacher just to see how irritating I and others are. See life in his perspective and see if it's easier outside of school. I know that teachers dedicate lots of time to us. It doesn't just stay at school... work is marked and planned in their own time at home. They have their own life to live yet seem to get mixed up with our work. This one teacher means a lot to me and I want to know how difficult it is for him. He's really organised and so dedicated to his job, helps us way more than all of the other teachers do. He is seperated from the rest because of the past when he's taught family. Ever since he found out he taught my brother then it's been different. I feel as if things would have been so much different if he hadn't of taught my brother. I would be normal in a sense of.. not prioritized from everyone else. I think I love you

This last one is complicated, it's different and kind of special. Lately I haven't been able to stop linking things to this person. It's good in a way to try and help me block someone else out of my mind but bad in the case that of how I think I am starting to feel. So here's the last person that I would want to be....

Friend: He showed great interest in me when we first met. This carried on for a while.. good year or so. At first I was freaked out about this. I backed away and carried on with my life.  He said I reminded him of his sister which I thought was sweet. There's one incident that happened that I probably won't forget.... and i just keep thinking about it. He moved away but I still see him but just not to talk to. He added me on Facebook, still talked and he always asks how my family are, he's really sweet and caring. The other month he told me that he reads every single post I put up on there. I don't know if this is because he somehow likes me or just because he cares? I try to talk to him whenever he's on but he never seems to have time or doesn't seem that happy to talk to me. I want to be this person because I want to see how he feels about me. If he knows that I care about him too. I need to know if I hurt him or not. It's not as simple as it sound. I feel so guilty and starting to like you.

My life is so complicated and messed up I don't know what to do. I'm very rarely happy and I've got a illness linked to stress. I wish that one day I will see all of these peoples life. I wish them all the best and I hope that I will keep in contact will all of them. One thing I do know is that whatever happens.... They will always stay in my mind and my heart.

Until next time.... cheereo!

Weird Challenge: Llamas

Right so I've been told to go look at pictures of llamas and make a blog about it. Originally it was chocolate but personally I can't do a whole blog about that. To be honest I can't do that with llamas either hence "little" help I got from the internet.....

Llamas: They're fuzzy, retarded and amazingly awesome. Here's a song!

Here's a llama,
there's a llama,
and another little llama,
fuzzy llama,
funny llama,
llama llama,
duck.
llama llama,
cheesecake,
llama,
tablet,
brick,
potato,
llama,
llama llama,
mushroom,
llama,
llama llama,
duck!
i was once a tree house,
i lived in a cake,
but i never saw the way
the orange slayed the rake,
i was only three years dead
but it told a tale,
and now listen, little child
to the safety rail.
did you ever see a llama?
kiss a llama?
on the llama?
llama's llama?
tastes of llama?
llama llama?
duck!!
half a llama,
twice the llama,
not a llama,
farmer,
llama,
llama in a car,
alarm a llama,
llama,
duck!
is this how it's told now?
is it all so old?
is it made of lemon juice?
doorknob.
ankle.
cold.
now my song is getting thin..
i've run out of luck D:
time for me to retire now.. (old people these days)
and become a duck! :)

Hope you enjoyed that! haha so yeah they're weird yet there's a song written about them... jeez.

Interesting things about Llamas....

They can live upto 20-30 years.
Llamas are very social animals.
There are now over 158,000 llamas in the world O_o more sheep though!
Llamas are intelligent and can learn simple tasks after a few repetitions oooh :D
Although early writers compared llamas to sheep, their similarity to the camel was soon recognized. YAY sheep
Classed as Camel-like animals.
Llamas are vegetarians.. (HI5) :P
They don't bite.. ;) only spit hah

So yeah I hope you enjoyed this interesting topic on llamas.... Get ready for more strange challenges. At least mine wasn't Pandas like I gave RayRay to do :D mwuhahaha Byee.

Challenge 1: Decribe your perfect/ideal place to be.

Ok so... this is really weird to say this, does it have to be a place or can it be with someone because that's a place right? Well I'll do it for both. I hate you for making me do this... because obviously it obsructs of my challenge I set myself but ahh well.

Place 1: It would be in Paris in a comfy flat by myself or with a friend. It would be modern but with little adjustments to make it fit in with the French/Parisy theme along with little parts of something that reminds me of home. I have this planned out kind of haha. If it couldn't be there then it would be the same thing but bring the French to Doncaster in a little flat same thing in/near town. It would be classic. Oh and very shiny and sparkly at Christmas time.

Place 2: This would be with a person. You probably now know who it is.... I don't care where it would be situated. Even if it was just living with or next door to him then i'd be happy. More preferable to be with him but I know that won't happen. It'd be nice to see him everyday. That would make me happy, even if I do stop liking him, because even if I don't like him like that anymore then it would be nice to live near someone you know and it would bring back memories.

Place 3: I guess i'm fantasizing about the other 2 places but I guess everybody's perfect place to be is well... at home. I know I complain that my parents are annoying and that I can't wait to move out etc. but I know that i'd be lost without them. I used to fight with my brother and now he's moved and got his own family, I miss him. It's good to know that everything is under control. Yeah we may have arguments and don't exactly hug and kiss or show our emotions but I love them. I really do. Home is that one place you feel safe. I mean, i've lived in this house all of my life. I feel that i'll be forgotton if I leave and there's so many memories here but I know that i'll have to one day. I can't stay here all my life.

There you go! My perfect/ideal places to be. It's tough but I hope i've done it right. Can't wait for the rest of the challenges... :) byee

Weirdness...

So basically to sum it all up i've failed the exam. Ever since about 5 this morning i've been nervous about it... been physically feeling really sick, headache, stomache cramps and shaking. It still carried on until when i left the cubboard. Then I guess I was feeling glad for what I have achieved (nothing to do with the exam, others will know what i'm on about) but then felt rather down when the teacher walked in the classroom and then on for the last 10 minutes I wasn't feeling exactly... happy. One thing i've found out is that I tend to be, hyper after the nerves have gone. How the hell a person can be sad and hyper at the same time I really don't know... but merh. There's now going to be one thing on my mind till we go back to school :/ ahh this is going to be fun..not.

Panic, nerves, mind everywhere!

So yeah here I am once again panicking like mad! I may possibly be recording my French speaking exam tomorrow. Today we only managed to record 6 and that was with the bell ringing, so how we're meant to record 7 with the delay of extended form time.. I really don't know. All throughout since the recordings started i've been feeling fine because I knew that I was going to be last as the teacher told me. Today in the lesson I couldn't remember any of it and parts that I did, I missed information out on. After the lesson I was miserable. Don't know why..... maybe the fact knowing that i'm going to fail tomorrow got to me? I've been feeling rather down after and during my french lessons lately, don't know why, it's the only lesson I enjoy yet becoming miserable in. I'd much rather sky dive then do the exam tomorrow. Since I got in at 3:30 i've done nothing but hard-core revision. I've re-created and wrote all of my exam out (probably missed all the main parts out) Personally I don't think it's detailed enough. Which links to what he said in my ROA. Being last means having high expectations of me. He's done this so it's better for me but if I mess up then it would have been wasted, could put me first, still have no change :/ argh! Writing this i'm starting to shake, nerves are kicking in. Maybe if I stay up all night I might be able to learn it all? but yet again i'd probably forget it all by tomorrow. Wouldn't be so bad if it was the few lessons after dinner so I could revise more but no it's first YAY! :( I've failed, i know i have! I have a feeling I will end up swearing in the exam, it's what I tend to do know when I say something wrong or panic. Oh god. I guess another thing that's making it worse is the fact that i've got to sit in a cubboard sized room with my teacher speaking french that I can't understand. We get to wait outside and learn our exam when the other person records. It's good...apart from all you can hear is them speaking really good and trying to read yours to the pace and running out of things to say. I think the mystery question is going to throw my completely this time :/ Argh i'm going to be down and then everything will mess up and merh! D: argh I might just burst out crying, it's what I feel like doing right now, in the exam and now in the lessons. Hmph. Best get back to revising :( bye

Merh...

Feeling like that again... just merh. Rubbish. Don't know what to do. My responses to people and just one or two words long. Need to talk to someone but I can't. It's crappy. I reckon i'll be like this lesson 2 tomorrow :/ merh. Well... at least I blogged, bye

French Exam...

So I have my last French speaking exam coming up on Friday.... The teacher expects me to be great because i'm going to be the last person to be recorded which means I have the longest time to revise it. It's a lot of pressure and I think it's all getting to me :/ I can only remember:
L'année dernier je suis  allée au caming, au bord de la mer avec ma famille.  C'est située au sud de la France qui s'appelle St. Jean de Monts. Normalement le temps il faissait soleil. Au village est assez grande et ne modé pas. On va voyage en voiture et en bateau parce que mes parents detesté en avion parce que c'est trop cher! Je suis ecouté de la musique dans mon IPod. Je vais partir á spet heures et je pense que le voyage est trés long et enneyeux!..... Qu'est-ce que tu fais pendant les grande vacances.
Took me two lessons just to learn that?!?! only got 2 maybe 3 to learn about 5 times that! I'm screwed. To say I want to take it at A level.... the only thing stopping me from achieving my grades is my speaking! I just get nervous, can't memorise it all, which if I do, it's probably wrong and doesn't make sense anyway and grr I  hate having no confidence :( if anyone can help please just email me? D: not looking forward to Friday.... what a day to end the term :/

Quick Post

Yeah, haven't blogged for a while so thought i'd do a quick one because my wrist is killing :( so yeah i'm still alive... unforntunately. Life's crap and I fail in everything.