Change

It feels so weird knowing that I've finished school. Gone from seeing friends and teachers everyday to now.. Hardly ever seeing them. Kept in contact with some teachers and hopefully I'll never lose my friends. All exams done now just results day on the 23rd August. This is the day that decides my future. If I don't get good grades then I can't get into sixth form. Been looking for a job. Can't even get one at Greggs -.- so that plan is fecked. Father wants me to follow my brothers career. That's not happening. I'm lost. Don't know what to do with myself. Can't see Tom because parents are over protective. :/ just argh. Stuck inside all day everyday doing nothing... Someone save me?

A whole new world

So haven't blogged for ages! Exams are nearly over, only one left to do.. YAY. Having time off to 'revise' has given me a chance to think about things. Personally things are getting bette in my life. I'm worried as hell about going to sixth form and I'm scared that my friends will forget me but I really need to think about what I'm going to do in the future. This is it. Time to grow up and be and adult.. Kinda. Been babysitting since I was 13 and still going but when I reach 16 next month I want to get a job. Now I'm not really good at taking to people. Rather be isolated or be with people I know. Argh. I'm going to miss school so much, I already do and I've only had 2 full days off :/. There may be things concerning me and need to sort them out but growing up is more important because prom is the one time where I'm going to feel like an adult. Will try to blog more. Byee

Smeh

Still alive.. Unfortunately.

Meh!

So today has been.. A pretty shit day. Last night someone apologised for something and today I thought everything was going to be fine. Was quite happy in the morning until you walked through that door. I could tell you was avoiding me and I know you was looking for her, waiting for her to come. First lesson you sat next toe, yet didn't talk, your friend at least he made contact being polite. Break. You came hugged me, said sorry expecting me to forget about it all then that was it. Science.. Nothing. Was really down and you knew yet you carried on. I managed to be the first one put of the door and rushed to my next lesson. Yes this was French but as soon as I walked into the class, he know something was wrong. He showed sympathy and asked me questions. He always cheers me up in his lesson so was looking forward to dinner. Ended up eating outside well, just sitting on the floor. You came over, totally ignored me. Showed interest to others. That seemed to last forever. After school you was outside my class only because you was staying there for an hour. I made you hug me. You had no choice. Walked away.. Thinking so many things. Not many people make me cry. Damn apart from you. All you seem to do is make me cry. I can't remember the last time we was both happy together. :( I'm starting to give up on life. I'll never give up on you. I care too much and I love you with all my heart. Tomorrow I can tell I'm going to be down. It's going to be the worst day of the week yet, I'll pretend and have a smile on my face. Doesn't matter though because... You won't even notice will you?

Emotions

My feelings are so messed up. I care but I'm not bothered. Ignoring you isn't easy but it's what I have to do. I have no clue where i stand with you. I feel like I'm nothing and I'm just invisible to you. Why do this? What's the point anymore.. The point is that I bloody fucking love you so much! I care loads and it feels like its all going to waste. Argh! I give up. :'(

Hate

Hate is a strong meaningful word and that's why i use it. I hate everything about me. The way I look. The way I feel. The way I act. I try so hard to change all these things but I just can't. I honestly give up.

Today

Interesting day.. Woke up thinking it was late but it wasn't. Time seemed to drag because I wasn't with you. Finally it was time to set off for the journey that would start the day properly. Nice walk thinking about someone I shouldn't as I passed where he lives. Got confused by a sign but ignored it. Met the others and skipped a bit. All throughout this I'm texting someone. Weird stuff happens and then decide to shout at people dressed up whilst waiting to meet someone that I was texting. People thought I was making him up but he turned up and spoke to me. Made my day cause he made me happy and smile. Walked on further and collected a balloon (helium of course) Can't remember much after that until frenchgate. Finally after wishing you was with me we went off to the film where there was happy couples and me just wishing we could be one of them. Came home. Spoke to you whilst you being high on coffee cake and just.. I'm glad you're mine but I just constantly miss you all the time. :( bank holiday Monday means another day without seeing you. Don't think I'll cope. For sure you're forever in my heart and boy.. I'm never going to let you leave my life again.

Hello! I'm not dead

Yes I'm still alive. Just haven't blogged for.. Can't remember how long. Been so busy with exams and stuff. Generally everything is going okay I guess. Right now, I'm cuddled up in bed which is now in the attic ^.^ yay! With the rabbit teddy my dad bought me from France :) I treasure it so much. Don't care if I'm nearly sixteen, I still hug and sleep with it at night. I've been failing a few of my exams lately but I think I'm getting back on track with them...hopefully. Found out that my graphics work all that I've done since I started it.. Is going to be moderated. :( revising just sucks. The only revising I have truthfully done and caught up on work I've missed from is French. It's an interesting subject that is good because it's a second language. I find it amazing and honesty I love it. I wish I was French. Thinking about the future. I want a job that fits in with using French which hopefully one day will come true. Anyway. Off to bed. Maybe I'll blog a bit more often.. I'll leave you with a cute picture :)

Oooh....

Haven't blogged in a while. I believe. So yeh. I'm not dead yet. :)

Ooh

Tired from last night so I'm laid in bed attempting to sleep before town. For no chance. I could go to bed early but then the sense of the weekend is lost. Whilst laying here with a sore throat and a cold I realise that my bedding smells of bananas O.o I posted My Facebook status as "ooh cheesy puffs" and now I really really want some cheesy puffs. :(

Trust

I liked you so I gave you a chance and you messed it up. I was stupid enough to trust you again. I thought that you had changed but I was wrong. You want a break then you don't. I'm not playing a part in your game anymore. You either want to or don't. Whatever happens, I will never ever be able to trust you again.

Bye bye future.

So I've got to get 6c's to get anywhere. I've took 6 subjects. Already failed 2 of them. If I can't get C's then I'm screwed. Had my future all planned out. Now it's gone down the drain

Sleep

So it's 5:15am and I went to sleep 3 hours ago. I was meant to be staying up, put myself in the most uncomfortable position and I still fell asleep. Saw a scary film and I'm kinda glad that I fell asleep otherwise id be up all night. Bad thing is I told someone I'd keep awake to keep him company. :/ at least he's home an in bed now so I can sleep more. Have tonnes of homework to do tomorrow but all I will be doing is sleeping :( argh

Ill

I hate being ill. It's being in pain stuck at home all day. I really would have wanted to go to school today to see that one person. I miss him so much :( I'm determind to get better for tomorrow so I can see him. Rawr so tired but don't want to sleep because I know that someone is going to be talking to me all day to keep me company. :) I also have my rabbit although cant really talk to him

Random..

I'm a baby dinosaur and I like cheese puffs. I have the most amazing best friend/brother like person ever! :)

So.. My day?

My day in one word... ARGHHHHHHHHHHH :@

Bdjxjzvdkfyafavu.... Argh

Omg why are Asian men so attractive? O.o they're EVERYWHERE! :) most people complain that there's too many... Pfft there's plenty of them. :P whenever I see one just like ooh nom. Anyway felt like I needed to blog and it's the first thing I thought of. :P mmmmm sausage rolls

Wait.... What?

Woah since when has pickachu been a hamster? I mean.. Seriously O.o

Today...

Today has been a really good day. Met the perfect person, so sweet, epic film, great time with mates. Kinda sucks now I'm home. Missing him. Wow I'm such a derp. :/

Dementia...

You my friend are now part of the group!

Days like these...

I really hate days like these.. They're awful. Every morning I wake up not wanting to go to school. Put a smile on for the world to see when inside I feel like crying. Most days I'm in so much pain, seem to always feel ill. Hugs help a bit but one from him would be best. Today in form I wasn't feeling happy but I spoke to him on Facebook and he made me smile. Now something is wrong and I can't stop thinking about him. His name online but knowing not to talk to him kills me. Hope tomorrow is a better day. The snow doesn't help either. It's more like ice. People throw them at me because I'm not "popular". Makes me feel horrible and disappointed in myself. I'm too cowardly to stand up for myself. Don't tell anyone about it and just take the things in. Right now I'm laid down hugging a hot water bottle because it makes me feel secure. Rather be alone but company makes me feel like I'm wanted. Argh. I hate my life sometimes. Wish I was a better person.

Please not this?

I can feel myself slowly slipping into a downer. This won't end good. Everyone thinks its all about appearance and looks. Well that's me out of the picture and being judged and bullied for the rest of my life. Woo. Never really told anyone but merh hope things don't go where they're going.

Happy!

Yay! Very happy bunny atm. :) managed to persuade parents to trust me and talked to that one person. He might pop and see me tomorrow. :D yay! Generally in a happy mood! Let's hope tomorrow is s good day

Love maybe? I'm confused

Well there's this 'friend' I've been speaking to everyday for a while now. This is why I think I love him... Coz he is amazing. Cute. Funny. Always makes me smile no matter what. He's sweet. Caring and just so adorable. I'm happy wen I'm near or talking to him and sad when not. My heart beats faster when I do speak or see him. Id do anything for him! So... Hm yeah. What you guys think?

OMG!

Omg omg omg omg! XD I love him! It has to be. Awwh I miss him now. :( merh not fair. Haha the cookie rabbits got a squished face. Bring bring bring bring banana phone. Ahh I'm so bored. Hmmm..... I need to learn how to drive and figure out where he lives. Ooh! I can become a taxi driver. :D ahh he's so yay makes me happy also put my mind off of that other person :3 baloney chicken on chips? :) woollooooko hype. Byes

Accident prone? Yup

Ok so it's about time I told you all that I'm accident prone. I'm always getting hurt in the most idiotic ways. The other day.. I fell off of a table backwards and yesterday I ran into the bar that we hang flowers on. My arm kills! Already there's a mark from where I hit it. I tend to walk into doors and walls. Can't walk in a straight line to save myself. I need to live in the hospital it's the only place I really am haha. So.. Hm. Wonder what'll happen next?

Friend

Last night I was talking to a friend. The most me talk for is about an hour if in lucky but last night we spoke for 5 hours. Don't get me wrong I love him to pieces but in confused by one thing he said. It was "I'll come and see you when you're old enough" now I know he calls me his little angel but I don't know in what context he meant that in. I'm so confused. I must say that I do feel like me and him are getting closer. Haven't seen him in ages but when I do my heart beats faster. He said next time we're both working then he'll come and say hello, which is sweet. :) yes he's cute and really nice. He's perfect but we're only friends and that's how it's staying because of age but bless he knows how to make me smile.

Confusing thoughts

So. You all know that I've had weird dreams involving him and that I've been having feelings... Well I thought I was getting over it. Stopped having the dreams and was easier to talk to him. Now the dreams are back and I'm feeling more towards him. It's hard and I just don't know what to do. So miserable over it that it's unbelievable. All I need to do is get it off of my mind so thats why I've blogged. I think I can positively say with 90% that I love him. :/ I'm ashamed of myself but I can't help it. Hm.

How did it go?

Well to be honest it was ok. I know I haven't got the grade I want probably lucky if I've passed. It would be helpful if we knew and learnt all of the things in the exam but that can't be done. I regret not going for foundation and talking to the teacher

Revision

Tomorrow I have two French exams. Listening and reading. I can only revise listening through songs and reading from the vocab and métro book that has been provided. I will be fairly confident if the exams are like to mocks that were carried out through the week. I've been entered for higher. This is a good and bad thing. Good because I need at least a B to do it at A level but bad because I'm shocking at French. It's 11:15 and I haven't started yet. I feel more comfortable and motivated when I'm revising with someone else. I know that once I've started I won't stop and it'll be until late hours. If I don't revise then I'll regret it. I want to make my teacher proud of me. It's the least I can do since he has done everything possible to help us. I don't know whether to revise in my brothers room where there's no distractions. My room where there may be some but not many or downstairs with distractions but motivation. Already I'm starting to feel ill again, nerves, it's not until at least 26 hours time. I've recently noticed that I need to start wearing my glasses again but I don't like wearing them. I feel uncomfortable and ridiculous but they help. I best go get revising. Probably blog later or tomorrow. Bye.

Exams

So today I've done two exams. One mock and one real. The real one was English literature. We was meant to do three questions. I thought that I'd done quite well.. You know I finished all of the questions had 10 minutes spare. Great. Until the exam invidulator came and told me that I was only meant to do three instead of the eleven I did -.- so that's me failed. The mock was French. I though that I'd do rubbish in this. Turns out I got a B :) so I'm better at French than I am English. How the hell does that work? Well I'm not complaining but wow I'm so stupid!

Weekends...

So. I always used to look forward to the weekend. You know.. spend time with family, go see nanna then go out with friends. Watch tv on a night. Perfect. But things have changed. All I do now is homework, msn and facebook. Woo -.- never go out with friends anymore, only to town and don't see nanna. Dads just annoying and mums never in. Its ridiculous. When you're a teenager everything changes, no one seems to care about you apart from school. I looked forward to fun and exciting weekends.... now I can't wait.till there over and look forward to going back to school. If it was upto me id stay there! Maybe come home for a day. Like tonight.... all I've done is sit watch videos on youtube, go on msn and facebook. Yay interesting. Tomorrow will be homework and thinking which is never good for me. Only good thing tomorrow is a date haha but might not even do that because I'm so tired. Think I'm diabetic but don't know how to tell my mum that..... hm. To another crappy weekend! Bye

Update about random stuff no one cares about...

Hello! I'm laid in bed with my annoying sickness so thought I might as well blog. Can't sleep because of the pain and the strong winds outside making a lot of noise! So the first thing that I'm going to blog about today is that I have a new obsession... seen as the person that I really really like lots.. with all my heart unfortunately.. has a nickname of "Batman" yeah had a bit of a phase that I went through where I bought everything that I could afford with Batman on. My parents have noticed this but only just as I've realised I don't really..like Batman anymore. Heh oopsies. I've noticed that I've always had a liking for something. Now I'm becoming obsessive of it. Obviously its French related and well basically ita Paris and well... France in general. I'm not happy about this because it makes me think of him more but merh. Secondly I am now ginger, thanks ro my dad! He was always complaining that I needed to dye my hair again so.. I talked to my mum, we went and got some hair dye from the shop yay Tesco! :) today ia Wednesday so to confuse people tomorrow my dad decided he wanted to syw it tonight. Well. It is supposed to be blonde but, now its ginger and brown seen aa my dad is not capable of covering my whole head. Yay school is going to be interesting tomorrow. Awh yay I now have a hot water bottle hah. Next point. I can't remember what I was going to say. I'm sure I'm getting dementia. Anyway oh yeah! The whole y <>< x thing in maths is difficult. The <>< is meant to be a fish. :D There are exams coming up in the next... pft basically until we leave school. Not looking forward to it to be honest, much rather stay at Hungerhill than leave... for *ahem* several reasons. Which leads me onto my next point. He is being weird around me lately, I think he knows in a rough way that I like him. :/ Also most of the time he wears jackets... him in a jacket is just... nom! I dont think i'll be getting over him any time soon... sadly. :( so yeah. He smells like an angel too :/ Its 10 and im incredibly tired so nighty night people! :) until next time cheerio... oooh cheerios. :P nom nom. P.s: Have fun getting this song out of your head.... Mahna mahnam do do do do do. Mahna mahnam! Do do do do. Mahna mahman do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do! :)

Happy New Year! :)

So, yeah I know it's a day late but I don't care.. you're lucky I blogged! Just taken the decorations down and now everything is back to normal.
 My tasks for 2012:
- Work harder in school
- Complete all homework the day it's set
- Still concerntrate on guitar
- Get over or control my emotions over someone
- Be a different person
- Make new friends but keep the current ones
- Survive sixth form
- Try to be a more happy person
-Tell people how I feel instead of getting worked up about it
Oooh that's a lot of things :/ haha. School starts tomorrow and the new me will start when I dye my hair sometime this week. Tonight my plans are to pack and be ready for tomorrow. At school there will be new seating plans, exam results and the joys of even more exams. Haven't got long left so going to make the most of it. Hm. Got a fair things to do for tomorrow so i'll be off and try to blog as often as possible :) Byeeeeee